SAAAANTA!! SANTAS COMING!! I KNOW HIM!

Been as there's now less than 50 days till Christmas(!!!!!!!!!), I thought it was only fitting to write a Christmas themed blog. My love for Christmas is greater than either Easter or Valentines combined and is competing with my Birthday for my favourite holiday of the year. In the spirit of Christmas & list making, I've listed my favourite 50 things I look forward to in a Christmas Countdown:

50. Deciding on a fake or real tree - a real dilemma for the British Mum, they love the smell of a natural tree but cant stand hoovering those fucking pines every 6 hours.

49-Christmas Shopping - always think its going to be an absolute joy! .......but we forget it's Christmas for 60 million other people in the UK too.

48-Secret Santa - the anxiety of who you might pick & what AMAZING present you can get them for a tenner.

47-Secret Santa at Work - the anxiety of who you might pick times a billion, AVOID!!

46- Hiding presents - We try to be crafty each year and come up with new hiding places that our loved ones wont guess and fail miserably.

45- Re-hiding presents - You know your hiding place is shit so you change it every few weeks.

44-Wrapping presents - Everyone falls into one of two categories: Immaculate wrapping with bows, ribbons and name tags OR tin foil.

43- Advent Calendars - feeling guilty for eating ahead or missing a few days & scoffing them all at once.

42- Christmas Cards - To send or not to send, that is the question.

41- Christmas Cards continued - And if you do decide to send, who deserves one this year? Mail or Email? Pound shop or Luxury? Decisions, decisions.

40- Decorating the Tree - Has to be one of my all time faves, Is Dec 1st too keen? Loved doing this as a family growing up, very special.

39- Christmas Shop Windows - By Mid November, everywhere you look Christmas has exploded.

38- Santa's Grotto - How can Santa be in 4 Department stores at once? Baffling........And still a little bit creepy, do Santa's get CRB checks??

37-Christmas Light Switch On - Always some Z-list celebrity or worse. Love the towns that NEVER take their lights down, imagine they must have a chilled weed-smoking Mayor.

36- School Nativity Plays - Shoving Christianity down the throats of small children. They're too young to understand!! 'So Santa had Baby Jesus in his sack too?', 'Yes Timmy, your absolutely right.'

35- Overplayed Christmas Songs - Its the time of year when our poor ears are pounded with the likes of Wizard, BandAid and Wham! Magical the first time, suicidal by the 30th.

34- That one house you know that gets covered in lights - Everyone knows one near them and if you don't then move house cos they're just GREAT.

33- Ice Skating Rinks - These literally pop up everywhere in Winter & nothing sends fear coursing through my body quicker. But apparently some people do enjoy them? They're still on my list though cos they look pretty!

32- Christmas Carols - Nothing more Christmassy than a bunch of old people in fancy dress singing songs for money.

31- Christmas Movies - Cant change channel without getting Miracle On 34th Street or Jingle All The Way. A special mention here goes to Home Alone, THE Christmas film of our generation.

30 - Christmas Specials - And with the films also comes the TV specials. Soaps climax, old shows return & our favourites pull out all the stops. Looking forward to Downton already this year.

29- 'Holidays are coming, Holidays are coming' - Cos its not Christmas till you see the smiling Santa on the back of that Coca-Cola van!

28- White Christmas Bets - The bookies fall over themselves to predict that sought after snow on Christmas Day. Why not beat the odds with a snow machine this year?

27- Remembering all of the Reindeer Names - Jolly good fun at the dinner table, even more fun after dinner when your slurring your words, 'There's definitely one called Curry's!', ' No, No, Nooo its Dixon's'

26- Doing the 'Christmas Food Shop' - Suddenly there is food in the Tesco aisles that you never knew existed. A favourite of mine growing up was being taken to Tesco's with my brother & sister to each select one multipack of crisps and one bottle of fizzy drink which were only for us. I, of course would have none left by Christmas Day.

25- Mince Pies - Part of your staple diet at Christmas time.

24- Christmas Baking - Christmas Tree shaped biscuits or Mum making a Christmas pud. Will have to test out my cooking skills this year with all the family at ours.

23- Roses/Quality Street Tins - The only time of year it is acceptable to have these supersize tins on your coffee table.

22- Mulled Wine - I remember the first time I tried this and was amazed that this tasty soup could get me drunk.

21- Drunkenness - Which brings me nicely on to Christmas drunkenness. Absolutely hilarious seeing family members completely gazebo-ed. All part of the Christmas spirit......(Spirit? Geddit?!)

20-  Guessing the Presents under the Tree - Brilliant for passing the time on Christmas eve whilst guests are arriving.

19- Christmas Games/Quizzes - Monopoly, Twister or Trivial Pursuit, as long as there's cheating involved.

18- Treasure Hunt - A family tradition that unsurprising ends at the pub. Not so much the taking part that counts but the arguing over the wrong answers.

17- Kids Getting Excited - Christmas is never more magical than when your young. Nothing to pay out for, no cooking to do, no hosting or long drives. Just lots of presents & time off school. BRILLIANT.

16- Staying up as long as you can - As a kid you would fight all the tiredness of the exciting previous day & try your hardest to stay awake to see Santa, always just missing him. Nowadays I stay up laughing while all the oldies fall asleep early, oh how the tables have turned!

15- A Carrot, Mince Pie & Milk - Nibbles for Santa & his Reindeer. Got suspicious over the years as it turned to carrot sticks with dip and a pint.

14- Queenies Speech - Have listened to this on occasion for entirely the wrong reasons including hearing what her voice really sounds like, and searching for hidden messages regarding the Ministry of Magic.

13- Christmas Day/Boxing Day Walk - Cos when there's nothing else to do, we go old school.

12- Christmas Dinner - The pinnacle of the Christmas celebration & a chance for all our clever Mum's and Dad's to show off.

11- Pig's in Blankets - Quite probably the best part of the Christmas Dinner. What could be more heavenly than a marriage of Pig wrapped in Pig??

10- Christmas Crackers - The silly hats, the bad jokes, the shit toys. Not exactly sure why we keep buying these, must be some kind of chemical reaction in the bang.

9- Food Baby - The inevitable food baby that appears right after your first mince pie and doesn't leave until Mid -January.

8- Presents - Delightful wrapped bundles of all shapes and sizes and a constant topic throughout Christmas Eve, Christmas Day & Boxing Day. 'Can we open one present early?', 'Can we open the presents yet?', 'Are there anymore presents?' ETC.

7- Santa Sack - Although I no longer use my actual 'Santa Sack' which is the size of a small house, I do still get presents at the foot of my bed on Christmas morning. Even when away from home my parents will send stocking filler provisions from 'Santa'. Now that I'm 25 & still receiving these, I expect it to go on forever.

6- Chocolate Coins - Since I can remember I have always had a bag of foil wrapped chocolate coins in my Santa Sack. One year I remember nearly being in tears because I thought they'd been forgotten. I was so disappointed at Santa. I hadn't realised they'd fallen out on my bed.

5- Giving Presents - The only thing better than receiving presents is giving them. And the only thing better than just giving presents, is waiting, staring & judging how much your loved ones liked their presents.

4- Fake Present Loving - Its very difficult to fake this well, too little and feelings could be hurt, too much and its obvious your faking. I am very skilled in this.

3- Present Recycling - A delicate topic, not all agree. The key is remembering WHO gave you WHAT so as to ensure you don't give it back to the same person! I am also very skilled in this.

2- Jesus Christ Almighty - Cos he should probably be in there somewhere. I am agnostic and don't believe in God & Jesus as such, but I appreciate others beliefs and the tradition behind it all. Plus I sure as hell don't mind celebrating anyone's birthday. We Gon Party Like It's Ya Birfday!

1- F-A-M-I-L-Y - For me this is what Christmas symbolises the most. Love em or hate em, they're always there for me through my successes and my sorrows. So thankful for the (mostly) normal family I have & the support they give me. I cant stand spending a Christmas without them. <3<3<3




AND REMEMBER KIDS, THE BEST WAY TO SPREAD CHRISTMAS CHEER IS SINGING LOUD FOR ALL TO HEAR XXX

Walking on broken glass...

So a lots happened in the last week or so.......
Feel like I need to get it out to re-balance the universe. I have no doubt that things get twisted and exaggerated and embellished to suit the person telling the story. So here it is from the horses mouth....

Rule Number 1 in the Girls Code:
You Do Not Talk about the Girls Code

Rule Number 2 in the Girls Code:
You Do Not Talk about the Girls Code

Rule Number 3 in the Girls Code:
You Do Not Covet Thy Friends Ex Boyfriend

Rule Number 4 in the Girls Code:
You Definitely Do Not Covet Thy Friends Ex Boyfriend 4 Months After They've Split

Rule Number 5 in the Girls Code:
You Do Not Hang Out With Friend Whilst Coveting Ex Boyfriend In Secret

Rule Number 6 in the Girls Code:
Should You Feel, Years, Years Later, That You Might, Possibly Like to Covet Thy Friends Ex Boyfriend, You Should Speak To Your Friend & Be Prepared to be Told 'No Way in Hell', 'Fuck Right Off' and Other Similar Phrases.


So thats how we feel about that.

Literally Celo Green over here, forgetting you and him too, 'cept I dont still wish you the best, SOZ.